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Wednesday, June 3, 2009
walking away
They were sitting right beside each other, fabric upon fabric yet the nearness does not reflect their want for each other. No one was making the slightest indication of their pain. One was fluttering his eyes from each single detail of his home, passing through furniture and appliance without care and the other one looking down running shaking fingers through the faded jeans. Shadows of the darkened room felt their sorrow and the bellowing pain that was palpable in the air. Then faded becomes dark blue as the jeans were kissed gently by tears marking small circles upon its rough surface.

“I didn’t think things would end this way,” with eyes from the details of the house to the bowed head of the one seated there, crying. Dark somewhat wavy hair, wanting and urging, the craving to run loving fingers upon those strands just one more time was overwhelming. The room was still.

“I really, really, don’t want this to end. Please,” head still down, voice breaking, tears flying down. Memories of wonderful evenings together, late dinners of rummaged whatnots from the fridge made into something worth eating, sunsets of the kissing breaking the silence. All of those thoughts slowly etching painful heartaches as each veils and takes over consciousness at the moment of rain and the cloudy afternoon.

“I don’t know where to go from here, you see? I said I love you. You didn’t say it back. I said it was ok. And believe me I tried for so long for it to be ok. But I guess it isn’t because it hurts,” eyes still taking in every feature the hair of that person. I gave myself to you, every single part of me, mouthed those agonized lips. “But I guess it’s not enough,” said softer than a whisper.

“What’s not enough?” finally looking up, tired eyes filled with tears, asking.

“Nothing, nothing. Oh you don’t know how much I want to touch you one more time, stroke your beautiful hair, just one last time,” the longing upon those words was plain it was almost visible. The rain echoed the suffering and bawled louder.

“I won’t stop you.”

“I know, but I need more than that. I need more from you, unfortunately much more than you’re willing to give,” the once dry constant eyes finally giving in to the emotion that flowed.

A thunder roared.

“I guess I can just look at us and say that my love for you was an attempt for all that that word is worth. Yes, you can’t spare me the same devotion but I think it was a beautiful attempt. And I’ll learn from this, for that I’m sure. But I can’t take anymore of the pain. I’m sorry but what I really want to say is, I’m leaving,” standing and slowly walking towards the door.


“No, I’ve got to do this. I’ve got to do this for myself. It’s some sort of self-preservation. You don’t need to say anything. Just know that I love you, with all my heart.”

A door was closed, and rain slowly drenched the thirsty and ailing heart of a lover unloved walking away from tears and pain.